Bonding with your newborn: tips for Dads

I get this question a lot; "My wife seems so connected to the baby already and I don't feel connected with them. How do I bond with my baby?" Even my own partner had the same worry, and it is not without cause. Women spend 9 months growing and bonding with their baby. By the time delivery comes around, we tend to be deeply connected with them. Dads, on the other hand, are meeting their child for the first time on delivery day. But there are steps that Dads can take both before and after delivery to make this worry vanish in the glow of those early newborn days.

Skin-to-Skin Contact

Immediately following labor, the midwife will place your baby directly on your partner's stomach to initiate skin-to-skin contact. It is critical that skin-to-skin contact is maintained for the first few hours after birth. This helps your baby transition to the outside world with ease by regulating your baby's body temperature, heart rate, and breathing, and it also releases feel-good hormones for you both. Once the cord is cut (or before if your partner needs medical attention that does not allow her to keep the baby on her stomach) initiate skin-to-skin contact yourself. This practice, also known as kangaroo care, involves holding your baby against your bare chest. Ensure the baby's chest has direct contact to your chest (that means no clothes in between) and allow the baby to rest there for as long as possible. From this moment on, the bare chest of you and your partner will be the safest feeling place for your newborn baby. So keep it up in the months and years to come!

Introduce your baby to your voice - in utero!

Throughout a pregnancy, many couples struggle to maintain intimacy. As the pregnancy progresses, your partner may become increasingly uncomfortable. That means that you will need to find new ways to connect with your partner as well as with your growing baby. By singing, reading books, or simply talking to your baby in utero, you will begin to establish yourself in your partner's eyes and to your new baby as a loving caretaker and thoughtful father. When your baby is born, they will recognize and be comforted by your voice. As they grow, reading and singing will become cherished bonding moments.

Be Present During Feeding

If your partner is planning on exclusively breastfeeding, you can bond with your newborn by being present when they nurse. You can support this event by ensuring that your partner is comfortable and has water and snacks nearby. Once they are settled into a good nursing rhythm, sit down next to your partner and take them both into your arms. Stroke your baby's head while talking to them in a soft voice. This will create an expectation from your baby that you are an important part of the nursing experience. If you decide to feed your baby via a bottle, you can be even more involved in the actual feeding work. Hold your baby close, look into their eyes, and talk or sing softly to them while giving them their bottle. Make sure to master paced bottle feeding to imitate breastfeeding and reduce the risk of an upset tummy.

Bonding with your newborn is a journey filled with love, patience, and joy. As a father, your role in your baby's life is pivotal, and the bond you create will last a lifetime. I will never forget the moment that my partner met our son. Moments after delivery, there were complications and I couldn't keep Finn on my chest. My partner quickly removed his shirt and picked Finley up, cradling him against his chest and murmuring softly to him. Finley's body instantly relaxed and he was soon resting peacefully. From that moment on, the two have been inseparable. This instant and lasting bond was thoughtfully cultivated during pregnancy and upheld through the careful attention of my partner in the days and months post-delivery.